Following neatly on from the last post, with a more positive slant (!) here's a few suggestions for making those important real world networking occassions slightly less painful.  In fact not painful at all, possibly even fun!

Published in Etch Magazine

1) Remember the purpose: connect others.

A great networker is not someone who schmoozes every night, who turns up at every New Zealand Trade & Enterprise breakfast and who hands out cards like they're lollies to small children...a good networker is someone who connects OTHER people. The more people you connect, the better your reputation and the more people want to connect with you. And then the more people you have in your network to be connected so the more connections you can make...

Trap for unwary players: the connections have to be meaningful and useful for the connectees. And that's the skill!

2) Choose the right events to go to.

I have been out and about at events quite a lot in the past month, as part of generating profile for the new business. A great networker connects people, and you can really boost your number of possible connectees and connectors by going to an event.

At the CIO Conference on Tuesday last month I was flagging though and I learnt a valuable lesson. I'm not as young as I was. Well that's true, but its not the valuable lesson. :-) I was offered the chance to be introduced there and then to someone who could potentially be a great source of overflow work for my company. But I turned it down. I wasn't on top form socially (tired!), my business proposition is still being refined and this was too big an opportunity to blow. So I turned it down. And now I get the chance to take it up when its the right time and I can make a great connection.

Trap for unwary players - only do this if you're confident the person offering you the connection is happy to do it again. Be honest about the reasons you're declining and make sure they're aware how appreciative you are and that you'll be following up soon. Follow up soon.

3) Listen and listen some more.

When you're at an event, its not about what you say, its about how you listen. There's two benefits to this approach to networking. 1) it means you don't have to come up with Shakespearean wit and charm each time you open your mouth so relax and enjoy! and 2) it means that introverts aren't off the hook - if you're an introvert, remember you are the perfect audience for extroverts. Nod with interest, chime in occasionally with flavouring phrases - people wind up thinking you're a fascinating person because in your presence they hear themselves saying fascinating things. Simple.

4) Find the lynchpins.

 In every community there are a few people who are connected across all industries, professions, demographics etc. The sort of people who pop up all over the place and seem to know everyone else. Email them. Introduce yourself. Join whatever committee they sit on, work on a project together (even virtually) and get to know them well. They'll keep you in the loop and you'll be top of mind if something comes up in their network. At events, spot the people who seem to be most at home, who appear to be waving at other people the whole time. Introduce yourself: "You seem to know a lot of people, what's your secret?" and hook your star to theirs.

5) Act like it's your event.

My number one how-to tip for finding the confidence to speak to people when you walk through the door of a networking event. On your own. At the end of a long day: Pretend you're the host. Pretend that you have the most right to be there, the most right to go up to the drinks table and get a wine, the most right to eyeball people directly, the most right to muscle in on conversations. It's your event. If you can pull off that confidence trick you're home and hosed. In fact it's not a trick. You do have the most right to be there - you RSVPd, right? And if you're a sponsor this is even easier - you've paid for the privilege! So forget you're a guest and be a host, even down to taking responsibility for introducing people to others. Heaven forbid they should be on their own at a networking event...